


Ain't No Good

by TheProfoundBlade



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Punk, Angst, Because it ain't all fluffy clouds and rainbows in this fic, Benny is 25, Beware, Bi!Benny, Bi!Dean, Body Horror, Body Modification, Dean is 21, Drinking, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, F/M, Fluff, Gangs, Heroin, Human AU, M/M, Marijuana, Pain, Piercings, Pining, Shotgunning, Smoking, Violence, Virgin!Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-17
Updated: 2015-08-17
Packaged: 2018-04-15 07:14:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4597656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheProfoundBlade/pseuds/TheProfoundBlade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Benny Lafitte is tough. His skin is covered in tattoos, scars and bruises, the name of his gang ingrained on his back. He's not gentle, or kind, or worth anyone's attention. All he lives for is his next high, his next fight, survival of the fittest or get fucked on the streets.</p><p>He especially does not deserve the attention from the cute kid he meets accidentally, crashing on Garth's couch; Dean Winchester.</p><p>His life changes, and changes quick, as he finds out just how much Dean is willing to sacrifice for him.<br/>Benny only knows one thing for sure, though. He ain't no good.</p><p> </p><p>  <i>This story is Benny POV 90% of the time. Be sure to read the tags and warnings before reading this story.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Shotgun

**Author's Note:**

> I want to thank Tessa (girly-fanatic) for sparking this crazy plot-bunny into my brain, and Sandra (rednikjow) for betaing it along the way.  
> I needed the inspiration, needed it bad, and this was perfect. 
> 
> Thank you, and enjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
> 

"Benny?"

Garth's voice only came through as a soft whisper, somehow a little too timid to really wake up the sleeping brute. Benny groaned and tossed his large arm over his eyes, smacking his lips as Garth repeated himself.

"Benny? Buddy, wake up."  
"Geh, what?!"

Benny sat up quickly, supporting himself on his elbows and looked more annoyed than tired. He quickly reeled back though, sighing and shaking his head at his own behavior, starting to apologize.

"Sorry Garth, didn't mean to be all..angry.."  
"It's okay bud. I know. Uhm, just wanted to let you know a few of my other friends are gonna crash here as well in a little bit, so I need to set up the living room."  
"Sure, want me to help ya?"

Garth nodded and Benny groaned as he pulled himself off of the very, very lovely couch. Benny had been kicked out from home about a year ago and had been couch-hopping since, ending up with Garth quite often. He helped set up a few mattresses on the ground and put a sheet on the other end of the couch.

"Who're you hostin'?" Benny asked as he fluffed the pillows, throwing them around on the mattresses.  
"Oh, it's the Winchester brothers and their friends. They celebrated Dean turning 21 in January and Cas as well last week, but Sam's not old enough to drink so.. They wanted to avoid an angry dad I think."

Benny chuckled and nodded, remembering all too well how that felt when he was younger. Now, however, no one really cared about him.

He went back to sleep and about an hour later the little flock of people stumbled in. They were shushed countless times by Garth but Benny was wide awake, back against the crowd, pretending to sleep. It was a hot summer night, the duvet too thick to really have on, so most of his body was exposed to the colder air. Tattoos, bruising and scars were scattered on almost every part of him, and he could have sworn he heard someone's breath hitch when they moved over to the couch.

"That's Benny," Garth's voice whispered, "he's staying a bit. Hope you're ok with sharing the couch."  
"Uh yeah of course, that's not a problem."

Benny smiled, the voice was a bit shaky but sounded cute. He decided to put on a bit of a show and stretched his legs a little, throwing an arm over his head and pushed his ass a bit back. Again the breath hitched as Garth was talking to some of the other people on the floor.

"Goodnight guys, see ya in the morning!" Garth whisper-yelled and went upstairs. The little flock was settled and a couple was clearly whispering and kissing on some of the mattresses on the floor. Benny sighed deep and decided to turn around to observe his bunk-mate, curious.  
When he turned, the person was still sitting up at the other end of the couch, looking at his phone. He was pretty, light brown hair with a bit of length and probably the longest lashes Benny had ever seen on a guy before. Oh, and those lips..

He found himself staring a little hard until the guy looked up from his phone and caught Benny looking, mouth a bit agape. Benny cleared his throat and pretended to be waking up, the other guy turning off his phone and crawling under his duvet, still timidly looking over the top of it to see what Benny was doing.  
Benny got on his back and stared up into the ceiling, a bit annoyed by the whispering and kissing-sounds nearby. He flicked his labret against his teeth and pulled a little, furrowing his brows when he heard the guy grunt.

"Hey, kids," Benny growled, loud, "ain't like you ain't permitted to make out and whatnot but there's other people here, keep that in mind."

His tone was stern and hard, the room going completely silent after his last word had been spoken. He nodded to himself and looked to his side to his bunk-mate, catching him staring again. Benny smiled a wide, bright smile and winked before he turned around again, falling asleep quickly after.

He woke up at six, the whole room stinking of alcohol. He grunted as he sat up, looking at everyone. They were six in total, three guys and three chicks. His bunk mate looked like the oldest, aside from a black haired one huddled up with one of the girls. Benny sat and looked at the guy next to him, in the morning light the guy's skin looked like it was painted with freckles and a light summer tan. Benny smiled a little before pushing off the couch a bit gently, grabbing his pack of cigarettes from the coffee-table as he headed outside to get a morning-smoke.

"Morning bud!"

Garth came up to the porch to meet Benny, a little too awake, but he enjoyed the morning air and quietness and went for morning walks on his own. Benny grunted in return and lit a cig, leaning his sweaty, warm shoulders against the door-frame.

"Hope we didn't wake you too much last night."  
"It's fine brother, no problem. Where ya know 'em from anyway?"

Garth pulled a chair over and plopped down, sighing with a content smile. 

"Sam's in my class, the younger brother. And we've just always met and talked and whatever. They're nice guys,"  
"Nice enough they ain't invitin' you over to that 21st birthday huh?"

Benny cocked an eyebrow and took a deep breath from the cig. Garth's smile faded a little, but he shook his head and looked up at Benny with grateful eyes.

"It's alright. I was busy anyway, you coming over and all."

They kept small-talking a little, Garth knowing his parents would be up any minute as well and Benny had to be out of their hair before that. They didn't approve of Benny one bit, although he had never caused any problems in the Fitzgerald residence..but Benny understood. He wasn't anything other than trouble.  
As he was about to finish his cigarette, his bunk-mate from the couch walked through the porch door and greeted Garth, sleepy eyes meeting Benny's. They were so green in the soft morning sun. 

"Hey, uh, I'm Dean," the young man held out a hand towards Benny, "hope we didn't wake you. Or that I kicked you in the face or something."

Benny tried to fight a smile and wanted to keep his cool, just staring at Dean as he blew out the last puff of smoke and threw the cig on the ground to crush it. He slowly lifted his now free hand to shake Dean's.

"Nothin' worth notin'. I'm Benny."  
"Cool, hey."

Shortly after the other people started moving outside and Benny felt crowded. He excused himself and quickly moved inside, starting to pack up his duvet and pillow. As he was getting his things and throwing them into an old, worn out duffel-bag, he heard someone trot in. He pulled on a black tank-top and adjusted his worn, loose camo-pants, putting on a belt before looking up. It was Dean.

"You're not staying? Garth said-"  
"Nah, I ain't. I just crash here sometimes."

Benny bit down on his labret again and turned it against his teeth as he closed the duffel-bag. He wondered if it would be safe enough to stay at Abaddon's place that evening.

"Oh, okay. You and Garth good friends?"

Benny grunted as he grabbed the duvet and pillow, bringing it to a closet nearby, feeling Dean's eyes following him every step. It was uncomfortable. He didn't exactly understand what Dean wanted, anyway. 

"We fine friends, yeah. Don't hang out so much with him no more but that's probably for the best.."

He tossed the duffel-bag over his shoulder and looked up, Dean standing at the other end of the living room looking a little shy. He was hella cute, Benny thought, as he cleared his throat and headed towards the front door.

"Wait, Benny!" Dean called, half-running to meet Benny by the door. Benny turned and looked over his shoulder, noticing how Dean was actually a few inches taller than him. Didn't knock down the cute-factor though when those freckles got fresh sunlight on them.

"Hm?"  
"I-I know we don't exactly know each other, but.. What college do you go to? Maybe we can meet some other time at campus."

Benny laughed and shook his head, making Dean's expression go from hopeful to a bit hurt. It pulled at Benny's heart, but who was this cute boy even kidding. Benny was bad news and he knew it, no reason to pull down such a beautiful, young man. 

"Look, Dean, you're mighty cute," Benny chuckled, scratching his buzz-cut head slightly, "but you don't wanna hang out with me. Trust me. Ain't good for anythin’. Better off just forgettin' me."

He walked out the door without saying goodbye to Garth, Dean or the rest. He felt his chest ache and his head clouding, upset that he was such a fuck-up that he couldn't even be nice to such a cute guy. But he didn't feel worthy, didn't feel it was smart bringing other people down in his dark pit. He was damned anyway.

***

A few weeks later Benny sat with his so-called friends, his pack called “The 7 Devils Pack”, in the city park taking up a lot of space and benches. They effectively scared away the families and elderly people that were meant to sit around the pretty fountain. Instead, they sat and drank all day, smoking weed and cigarettes from dawn till dusk and shouted at anyone trying to make their way past.

Benny was already high, leaning against a rock between two benches, hardly listening in on the conversations going on around him. Ruby and Lucifer were arguing over something trivial, Crowley charming up some new ladies they had managed to pull with them. Ash was as mellow as Benny, drinking his beer and they were sharing a joint slowly. It was another warm summer day, Benny tired of wearing thick, long pants and military-boots but it was most practical when you had to run from the cops every so often. 

He ran a hand over his face to feel if he still had all his piercings; nose-ring, labret, and the newly-healed scar from his eyebrow-piercing getting ripped out in a fight. He was sad about that one. He liked that one.  
Ash passed him the joint one last time and Benny savored the last hit, closing his eyes and really enjoying the feeling buzzing through him. He managed to vanish into his own mind for a moment, seeing freckles, tan skin and god-like green eyes all in a sudden. He heard echoes of that voice, Dean's whole face appearing but it was all hazy. Benny smiled to himself as he let the thick smoke escape his lips and nostrils, fading more into this very nice looking dreamworld.

"Hey, fuckhead," Gordon growled, kicking Benny's leg quick, "Your turn to get supplies."  
"Fuck you Gordon, ain't drinkin'. Do it yer damn self."

Benny muttered and his dream vanished, cursing at his rude awakening as he adjusted against the rock and looked up at the angry guy over him.

"Just get it already Benjamin," a low, nasally voice came from the right, "if you boys fight now someone will just call the cops. Not worth ruining such a nice day for that, is it?"  
"Whatever Al," Benny groaned and got up from his seat, getting all up in Gordon's face to lock eyes. They were both muscular, aggressive and alphas, clearly trying to upstage one another. They functioned as the muscle of the group, protection and striking fear into outsiders, and even though their positions were equal neither of them ever got along very well.  
After literally butting heads with Gordon, Benny pocketed his hands and walked towards the park exit, heading for a worn-out black truck where they kept their alcohol. As he was reaching up to grab something, someone called out for him.

"Benny? Hey, hey!"

Benny still felt a little hazy and thought it was the voice from before inside his head, until the freckled cute guy suddenly stood right next to him. Benny lifted an eyebrow and shook his head a little, unsure if he was tripping or it really was Dean.

"Funny seeing you here! Live around here?"  
"Uuh," Benny shook his head, a bit in disbelief still, "naw I uh, I'm just hangin' with some friends in the park. Came to get supplies,"

He muttered as he reached up to grab two six-packs. Dean nodded enthusiastically, watching as Benny put down the beer to get a bottle of cheap vodka and pocket it in one of his deep side pockets of his pants. 

"Cool, that's cool. Yeah I uh, I work in a bakery down the street, part time. Just on my way home actually."  
"Ah."

It felt awkward, for Benny anyway. Dean was all smiles. He was way too cute to even be talking to Benny. Too..normal.  
Benny groaned and picked up the six-packs, locking the truck and was about to head back to the park when Dean timidly grabbed his arm. Benny's first reaction was to flinch and fight, but something stopped him as he looked over his shoulder to lock eyes with Dean once again.

"Hey uh, what happened to your eyebrow? Didn't you have a piercing?"  
"Oh, uh," Benny sighed, turning a little again, still not sure how to feel in this situation, "yeah. Got in a fight. It got ripped out."  
"Oh, shit-"  
"Yeah.."

Dean released his hand on Benny's arm and reached it upwards instead, as though he wanted to touch Benny's brow. He never got really close, eyes searching Benny's face for a reaction but Benny just looked suspicious. 

"I'm sorry."  
"It.. It ain't your fault?" Benny muttered, brows furrowing in confusion.  
"No, but still. You got hurt."  
"Ain't like that's somethin' new."

Dean was the one to look suspicious now and was about to speak when Gordon came stomping over next to Benny, punching him hard on the shoulder and laughing. He was clearly buzzed too, white teeth shining as he grabbed one of the six-packs from Benny. He noticed Dean then, who was backing up a little, looking worried and a little scared.

"Hey Benny, who's this pretty little thing you got here huh? Bringing him to the party? He don't look so old either. Abaddon would love him, don’t you think? Abby sure loves her twinks.."

Benny growled and nudged Gordon away from him, turning towards the park again before looking at Dean. He mouthed "sorry" before grabbing Gordon by the arm and pulling him with, heading back towards the pack. Dean was left, confused, at the truck. Benny cursed himself, promising himself to get as drunk and high as possible to forget this whole situation. Dean didn't deserve to get pulled into all of this mess, good kids weren't meant for the streets like this, weren’t meant to get acquainted with the scums from the streets either. Nothing good was meant for Benny, either.

***

A few months passed and Benny was sure he forgot how Dean's voice sounded. That was until it broke through the immense noise of talk and music at a house-party at Abaddon's place.

Benny was sunk into one of the old couches, drinking his "girly-drinks" as the other guys noted them as, nursing a cigarette in the other hand. Garth was at the party too, shy and timid right next to Benny. It was when Benny plopped the cigarette into his mouth again that Dean's voice broke through, making Benny search the room immediately to see the beautiful freckled face; what was he doing in this shit-hole anyway?

Sure enough, Dean was there with the black-haired guy from that night they all crashed at Garth's place. The girl he had been snuggling was there too, being awfully friendly with Ruby. Benny sighed and chugged his drink, excusing himself from Garth to go to the smokers room. Garth, thankfully, was starting to talk to a beautiful girl who had been wearing one of those weird, wolf spirit-hoodies. Benny shrugged but was happy to see Garth entertained and snaked his way past the crowds, brushing past Dean unintentionally on his way.

He plopped down on a beanbag in the almost empty room. People had just started smoking all over the apartment, but Benny still respected the rules and he needed the head-space anyway. He had finally gotten rid of Dean from his dreams and his trips, but seeing him in flesh and blood made it feel like the whole room was spinning. Benny sighed and searched a deep pocket for another joint, lighting it quick and trying to tune out of the world for a moment. 

The other people in the room left short after, leaving Benny alone for a while. He groaned and pushed himself deeper into the beanbag, trying to avoid thinking of Dean as his chest started feeling heavy. Maybe it was a bad idea to smoke right now. 

The door opened and someone stepped in, Benny not really looking. He heard the sound of the door closing quietly again, muffling out loud talk and music, and the person trotted quietly over to a chair nearby. Benny took another hit from the joint and finally opened his eyes, looking over to the person sitting near him; it was Dean. 

Of course.

"You sure as hell ain't gonna leave me alone anytime soon are ya?"

Benny growled, tears pooling a little at the edges of his eyes. Yeah, he really shouldn't be getting high when he was in this mood. Dean cleared his throat and sat forward on his chair, leaning in closer to Benny. Benny had to give it to the freckled kid, he was persistent.. but for the wrong person.

"I wanna get to know you, you idiot.. You just keep running every time."  
"Why the hell would ya wanna get to know me, huh? Got somethin' for bad boys or what?"

Benny sensed Dean curling up a little bit, looking up to see Dean's face flushed pink and his freckles standing out so clear, even in the darkness. Benny chuckled, taking another hit. The tears were still pressing on his eyes, but he did his best to hide it.

"What if I did? That a bad thing?"  
"It's superficial as all hell. What's to say I ain't the bad type of bad-boy, huh? What if I beat you up, or make you my bitch 'front of my pack, huh?"

Benny was sitting forward against Dean more and more, eyes sharp and bright, face angry. He wanted to scare Dean away. He didn't deserve anyone's attention, especially not this cute, young kid's. Dean didn't seem to get scared however, leaning a little forward to meet Benny half way.

"Try me, big boy. I'm not that helpless."  
"Hah," Benny exclaimed, catching his labret on his teeth again and pulling, smiling at the edge of his mouth, "whatever, kid."

Benny leaned back and took another hit, looking at his hands. They were bruised, scarred and fresh, healing wounds were spread all around them. It wasn't easy living on the streets, not easy doing anything to survive and lately, it had become harder to get his fix, his high. His eyes traveled up his left arm, ending at small, circular wounds at his veins. Lucifer and Alastair had provided a few hits of heroin a couple of weeks ago, and Benny felt himself needing that high more and more... It made it easier to forget, at least for a while.

Dean seemed to notice Benny spacing out and jumped forward with his chair a few inches, getting closer to Benny. He reached down towards Benny's hand, the one holding the joint, timidly holding out his fingers as though he wanted to take it from Benny.

"What, you smoke?" Benny grinned as he snapped back to reality, rolling the joint up to his fingertips and looking up at Dean's nervous, blushed face. The freckled kid shook his head timidly and pulled his hand back a little. Benny's smile went from mocking to soft, mellowing a little finally.

"No.. but.. I wanna try."  
"Didn't you just turn twenny-one or somethin'?"  
"Yeah? So?"

Benny shook his head and got up on his knees, moving in between Dean's legs a little. He looked up, and when Dean was crunched together as he was they were practically at eye-level, their eyes locking for a while. Benny felt scared, but so very attracted to this green-eyed Adonis, and he decided to let his guard down a little, flirt and play along... he didn't expect to stay around too long anymore, anyway, the way his life was going. 

"Alright, you can try. But I ain't lettin' you suck on this," he said, lifting up the joint to their eye level, "'till you gotten used to the taste a bit."  
"How'm I supposed to get used to it if I'm not allowed to take a hit?"

Dean had furrowed his brows and looked annoyed, Benny grinning again. Benny sat back against his heels and put the joint against his lips, winking cockily as he took a long, deep hit. He dropped his hand and leaned forward towards Dean, his free hand slowly moving up to cup Dean's face. Dean was blushing, eyes locked on Benny's ice blue, and he was almost shaking in anticipation. 

Benny held his breath, moving in completely, nose nudging over Dean's freckled nosetip, opening his mouth a little. Dean fluttered his eyes and parted his lips too, slowly, so close to locking lips with the bald brute near him.

"Suck," Benny whispered as he started to blow out the thick smoke slowly, lips almost encasing Dean's mouth. Dean closed his eyes and sucked in the thick smoke slowly, gently, nudging his forehead against Benny's. When Benny was done breathing out, he pushed himself forward and tasted Dean's lips, grunting against him. Dean moaned deep in his throat, pushing back to cough a little and releasing the remaining smoke.

Benny sat back again, shocked over himself being so bold, about to get up from his knees when Dean reached an arm forward to hold onto Benny's shoulder. Benny's eyes were wide open, a bit watery, his heart pounding quick and hard. Dean licked his lips slow and dropped down from his seat, practically on Benny's lap, clearly not used to the buzz. 

"That.. was.."  
"More? Ye wan' more?"

Benny's voice was husky and low, his free hand quickly wrapping around Dean's waist as he lifted the joint up again, offering Dean a hit. Dean nodded yes, adjusting his seat on Benny's lap and Benny dropped on his ass, effectively crashing them closer together. 

"But.. I wanna do.. that. Again."

Benny nodded in approval, nudging their heads together before turning his own a little, taking another deep hit. He leaned in on Dean again, their lips brushing softly over each other, Dean's hands crawling up over Benny's chest and ending around his neck. Benny pulled Dean in by the waist and ground his hips up as he blew out the thick smoke into Dean's open mouth, both of them moaning deep as they shared the high.

Benny dropped the joint on the floor and threw his arm around Dean, grabbing hard at the light brown hair, pushing them roughly together as their tongues started playing, lips sliding quick and filthy over each other, hips rotating and breaths barely escaping them. Benny was soaring, high on the weed, the adrenalin and the endorphins, Dean clearly just as affected. 

They moaned and whined, ignoring anyone that made it through the door until it was Gordon. And Gordon laughed, deep and hard, making Benny release his grip on Dean and look up, terrified.

"Shit Benny, didn't know you were a cock-sucker! Al's gonna love you even more now, Abby'll hate you though - she had her eyes on this lil' twink all night. Best go tell her, huh? Before you stick your dick in 'im, haha!" 

"Gordon, fuck, no," Benny coughed, almost jumping forward, dropping Dean, "don't!"

When Gordon was out the door, Benny shouted after him, overpowering almost every other sound bursting through the hallways of the apartment.

"I'm sorry Dean, I'm- just, I gotta, I'm sorry-"  
"Benny, wait-"

Benny was practically running out of the apartment, not afraid to knock over a few people on his way. Dean tried to follow but was too slow, losing track of Benny as he powered down the beaten stairway and out on the street.


	2. Shotgun: Art

  
  
/

__

art by me, meldarlin.tumblr.com, 2015


	3. I'll Follow You Into The Dark

Benny was gone for good. Garth hadn’t heard anything from him for about two months, Dean even going to the pack to hear if they had seen him, only earning him unwanted attention. Abaddon, Alastair and Crowley had all crowded him, trying to sweet-talking him into staying and forgetting that stupid Cajun good-for-nothing runt. Dean had had to run, fast, and never turned back. That crowd was dangerous, toxic and he tried to convince Cas to get Meg out of their claws as well and quick, for her own good.

Dean hardly slept anymore. He had fallen, hard, for this gentle giant and did his best trying to find him. Sam noticed Dean’s almost heartbroken behavior, doing his best to ask around. Dean even made flyers, with no pictures though, as Benny was like a ghost and hardly existed in the real world.

“Honey,” Mary cooed, setting down a cup of hot chocolate in front of her sobbing son. It was 3 AM in late October, and even with the police looking for him, no one had seen Benny at all. 

“You tried your best, you really did..”  
“Wasn’t good enough,” Dean sobbed, curling down on the top of the table, hiding under his underarms.

Mary just brushed her hands over her son’s shoulders and sighed softly, upset to see her son so heartbroken. She didn’t even know about the guy ‘till Dean had started the search, but she understood Dean’s burning need and desire to help anyone in need – especially someone he had fallen in love with. She would have done the same in a heartbeat.

***

Dean was with Cas at the harbor one October evening, strolling along. Dean had given up the search, at least on the public spectrum, but not a day passed where he didn’t think about the icy-blue eyes and the wonderful chuckle he had gotten so lucky to hear a few times. Cas had done his best to be supportive and keep Dean grounded, and he was thankful for Dean’s insight on Meg’s ex-friends. She had gotten out in time, cutting all connections to Ruby although it had left her angry and bitter for a while.

It would be worth it in the long run, both Cas and Dean had assured her.

They were walking down the pier as they saw two bigger guys brawling a bit ahead. Unsure what to do, they kept walking their course, and as they got closer Dean caught a glimpse of one of the guys; broad, buzz-cut, thick hands, eyes as blue as ice – Benny. It had to be him.

“Shit, Cas, it’s Benny!” 

They ran towards the brawlers just as Benny knocked out the other guy, quickly dropping to his knees and looting everything he could from all the pockets he could find. Dean saw small bags getting pushed into Benny’s own pants, the same pair that he had worn the night he had run away, and his heart broke when he got closer.

Benny’s arms were spotted, bruised, filled with rips and clear shoot-marks. His face was rugged and fresh wounds were all over him, his lip busted and his nose-ring gone too. Dean cringed internally, thinking of that pain, and as they made their way over to him he felt his heart pound hard against his chest.

“Benny?” 

The burly man looked up in shock, eyes wild and scared. He recognized Dean immediately and jumped up, trying to cover his arms and started backing away.

“Wait, please-“

Everything was interrupted by a group of men shouting a bit further down the harbor, racing towards Benny, Dean and Cas. Fight or flight instinct took over them all, Benny sprinting quicker than Dean ever anticipated and the two friends followed after him as quick as they possibly could. After running several blocks and jumping about three fences, they ended up in an abandoned apartment deep in down town, Benny panting hard as he sought safety inside a small, broken down kitchen.

Dean and Cas timidly walked in, breathing hard, noticing how worn down and disgusting the place was. Benny lived there alone though, it would seem. The two friends walked through piles of trash and burnt out piles of clothes, doing their best not to step on pieces of glass and empty needles. They heard sobbing from the kitchen, and after quickly, silently agreeing, Cas stayed by the entrance to keep watch as Dean made his way out to the kitchen.

“Benny?”  
“No, go. Just- go, fuck-“ 

He turned the corner to see Benny huddled up in the corner, clearly sitting on broken glass and shaking like a leaf. He was trying to hide his arms, but had no shirt other than his dirty tank-top, and Dean knew Benny was feeling ashamed and upset.

“Hey, it’s alright, I’m not here to hurt you-“  
“Get out!” 

Benny looked like a wild animal, scared, his bright eyes shining even brighter from tears and the dark red skin around them. He looked like he had been fighting almost constantly since the last time Dean had seen him, and it made Dean tear up himself. He managed to get closer and closer, getting down on a knee on a safe-spot, clear of any sharp objects. His heart ached so hard from seeing Benny like that, understanding that this must have been where he had been hiding ever since.

“It’s okay, okay? Benny, please..”  
“Dean please, just go, don’t need your help-“  
“Bullshit,” Dean breathed, a teardrop falling silently.

It took about an hour, but Dean managed to get within reach of Benny without him flinching or crying out for help. Cas had called Mary, trying to give directions from what he could see. They wanted to get Benny to a hospital, as a lot of his wounds were infected.. oh and, get him off of the drugs, too. But that was next step. 

“Come on Benny, promise you I won’t let anything happen to you.”  
“I can’t- I, I can’t-“  
”Yeah, you can, I got you okay?”

Finally, Dean managed to lay a hand on Benny’s arm and his other cupped Benny’s cheek. Although he was still broad, Benny’s skin felt cold and weak, his cheeks a little hollow. Dean saw how Benny’s collarbones were sticking out too and it made his skin crawl.  
With some more coaxing and small steps, Cas and Dean supported Benny all the way to Mary’s car. He was filthy, the car starting to stench pretty quick, but none of that mattered as they drove up to the ER, slowly getting Benny inside.

***

It hadn’t been painless at all, getting Benny treated. Dean stayed most of the hours he could at the hospital, hearing Benny scream, shout and cry out for help as they stitched his wounds and had to hold him down, which was hard. Benny was still a strong dude. The first day had been horrible, Dean convincing his dad about the importance of helping Benny, and after very vocal arguments in the hallways of the hospital John had finally agreed, under the agreement that Dean would work part time at John’s garage until at least half the bills were paid. It could potentially be years, but Dean was certain.

Benny would be worth it.

Day three had been the worst. Detox was hard, Benny clearly feeling the repercussions of his hard heroin abuse. The medical staff had had to call in security more than once, Benny acting out violently especially towards himself. At one point the nurses thought he was relatively calm, only to find him seconds later pulling out his IV’s and trying to stab himself in his arms. Dean sat outside listening to cries for help and Benny yelling to just let him die.

Dean wasn’t sure how he could cry this much.

After about a month, the worst part was over. Benny didn’t require constant security, and he even seemed calm for shorter periods of time. Dean still visited, still mostly outside, still not ready to see him. When Benny was passed out, however, Dean would sometimes go to his bedside and hold his hand, questioning himself.

“What’s so special about you, huh, Benny?” he whispered, smiling a little when he noticed how Benny’s skin tone was starting to become more fleshy and less.. gray.  
“I don’t even know you that well, but.. here you are.. on a hospital bed. Getting help. And I’m.. paying for it.”

He laughed a little, then sniffled and looked out the window. He zoned out for a while, trying to remember the charming wink Benny had given him the first night they had met, trying to feel the press of Benny’s chapped lips on his own that one night. As he sighed and closed his eyes, he felt his fingers getting squeezed gently.

“Shit,” he gasped, looking down, wide-eyed, “Benny?”

Ice-blue eyes started to open gently, a timid smile growing underneath a rugged, patchy beard. Dean remembered how tight and clean it was shaven before. He felt tears push their way past his eyelids as he blinked, not sure if he was dreaming, seeing Benny awake.

“..hey, cute kid.”

***

Two months after admission, Christmas time was nearing. Benny was allegedly clean and ready to leave the hospital. He had been given methadone after he survived his initial detox, and was told to come in every day for the next year to keep his withdrawal symptoms at a minimum. He was severely depressed however and had been assigned a psychiatrist to see every two weeks. The day he was released, Dean was there with him, holding his hand and squeezing it tight as they signed him out.

They walked, slowly, from the reception and made their way outside. Benny was scared, shaking, unsure what to say. Dean just squeezed again, leading Benny out the front doors.  
Outside, Cas and Meg were waiting by Cas’ car. When they saw Dean and Benny, they went silent and watched almost in awe. Benny was still shaking, wearing some of John’s clothes, a bit loose still even after he had gained some weight back.

“We’ll uh, wait in the car,” Cas said calmly, leading Meg to sit in the front passenger seat and getting in the driver’s himself. Dean led Benny over to the car, but the big, burly man stopped in his tracks. Dean furrowed his brows and faced Benny, still holding his hand tight.

“You okay?”  
“I can’t go with you Dean, I.. I can’t.”  
“Of course you can. I want to help you.”  
“But.. why? You.. don’t even know me.”

Benny released his grip on Dean’s hand and pulled back a little, looking around the parking lot. It was barren and cold, snow everywhere. Dean frowned and pocketed his hands, starting to shake from the cold. 

“I know you plenty.”  
“You.. really don’t.”  
“Then allow me to get to know you, okay? I’m not leaving you.”  
“I don’t understand why you wanna help me. I ain’t no good.”

Dean shook his head then, stepping forward to close the space between them, nudging their foreheads together timidly. Benny moved a little, but pushed back against Dean softly, closing his eyes. 

“Let me decide that, okay? Come on. Got the guest room set up for you. It’s not a problem. Promise.”

***

Benny celebrated Christmas with the Winchester family.

He had his own room, his own clothes after a while too. Not a day passed without him thanking the family, thanking Dean. He promised to make it up to them, earn the money back, repay everything. John didn’t approve of Benny one bit but kept quiet, Dean, Mary and Sam integrating Benny as much as possible into the family. They took turns driving him to the hospital for his methadone appointments, getting him new clothes, getting him to his psychiatrist appointments.

After Christmas Eve, Benny sat on his bed, staring out the window. Snow was falling slowly and the beautiful, thick snowflakes catching the soft yellow street-lights nearby. He supported his arms on his knees, breathing calmly, doing his best not to phase out and away to all his horrible thoughts.

A soft knock sounded from his door. Dean pushed the door open slightly, looking in, asking silently for permission to enter. Benny nodded without really looking, starting to run his nails against his thumbs. It was a grounding habit.

“Merry Christmas,” Dean whispered, gently crawling onto the bed, facing Benny at the other end. Benny still didn’t look.  
“Merry Christmas,” he responded, voice breaking a little. He dropped his gaze finally, looking to the ground, eyes starting to glisten and hands shaking.

“Hey, I didn’t mean to-“  
“It’s not your fault,” Benny whispered, looking up at the beautiful, cute kid. He breathed in deep, dropping a single tear as he bit down on his labret.  
“Just ain’t used to.. family Christmas. Family anythin’.” 

Dean nodded and moved a bit forward on the bed, testing his boundaries. Benny allowed it, still scratching at his thumbs, still rolling his labret against his teeth. They locked eyes for a while, no sound other than the light wind outside and occasionally John’s booming laugh would echo up the stairs and into the hall to the bedrooms.

“Are you.. ready? To tell me what happened?”

Benny instantly fixated his gaze outside again, hands shaking more. Dean reached a hand forward, grabbing a few of Benny’s fingers and after some adjustment he was sitting between Benny’s legs, holding his hand tight. 

“I was.. scared. Scared if I’d stay, if they found out…”  
“Those.. creeps?”

Benny nodded, sighing. 

“7 Devils Pack. My… family.”

He went silent for a moment, staring blankly into the air. He shook his head a little, continuing. 

”Ain’t exactly had a good life, Dean. They are my only friends, they like me. I was useful to the pack. Can hit real hard. Look real scary too…”

He sighed and shook his head a few times, trying to get back on track. Dean just listened closely.

“Ain’t no one ever cared about me, really. I was a mistake. Mom ‘n dad told me so. Was kicked out from home ‘cause I lost my job, I just kept drinkin’ and smokin’.. Not like they cared anymore.”

Dean furrowed his brows and squeezed Benny’s hand. He got a smile in return, and Benny continued.

“If.. I stayed. They’d have gone for you. Try to either scare you the hell away or get you in on all their shit as well. And I couldn’t…” He drew a heavy breath, tears starting to stream then, “I didn’t wanna see you fall down the same pit as I was in. You’re too cute, too nice. Smart too.”  
“’Okay..” Dean breathed, nodding a little, “but why’d you have to disappear like that?”

Benny shook his head gently, blinking a little before turning his eyes to their interlocked hands. 

“Wasn’t meant to stay away like that. Found a place near the harbor to shoot some, try and forget what happened. Got acquainted with some new fuckheads. They had some H in exchange for my muscle. And honestly I can’t remember what happened the next few weeks. All I know is that it turned to shit and I did.. anything. To get the next fix. All the way up ‘till you found me, really.”

Dean nodded again, squeezing Benny’s hand gently, moving in a little closer. Benny was shaking all over, his lips pressed together tight, eyes watery. 

“It’s okay now, right?” Dean whispered, getting on his knees and leaning in closer to Benny’s face, “you’re here, you’re safe. No fighting, no drugs..”  
“I still ain’t no good Dean, ain’t got nothin’ to give you back in return for, for your help. Your time.”  
“We’ll figure it out, okay? In time. Right now we gotta make you better…”

Dean was so close now, Benny’s eyes searching all over the beautiful, freckled face, ending at his thick, long lashes. A soft breath escaped his lips as he lifted his free hand to brush through Dean’s soft, lengthy hair. His chest felt heavy, but not from sadness, just excitement.

“Does this… feel better?” Dean whispered again, his cheeks clearly blushed.  
“Y-..yeah. It does.”  
“Can I-“  
“-yes-“

They ended up curled together on the bed for hours, kissing, tender hands searching each other’s bodies, legs curling up together. Benny cried, a lot, Dean kissing away almost every tear. It was hard for Benny, feeling affection and love from someone, but Dean wanted nothing more but love him and help him get back on track.


	4. Chasing The High

Six months had passed since Benny was released from the hospital. His methadone treatment had been stepped down a little, and he had stopped going to the shrink. Dean wasn’t exactly sure if that was the right choice, but Benny was persistent and claimed he was better, claimed he wasn’t going to relapse or fall into that dark pit of self-hate again. Dean chose to believe him.

Dean’s step-uncle Bobby had an apartment over his garage, which was offered to Benny after having met him a few times. Bobby also provided Benny with a job at Singer Salvage Yard, taking advantage of Benny’s strength and helping him get back on track, earning his own money. John was finally warming up to Benny, glad to see how hard he was working at Bobby’s, glad to see how tender he was around Dean.

The month of May was busy, Dean working part time at John’s auto-shop. He had also managed to get his job back at the bakery after having lost it during Benny’s admission. Sam was spending a lot of his free time with Benny as well, talking about politics, history and social problems. Benny was surprisingly smart, but had kept that side of him-self locked away for years, and Dean felt his heart grow to new sizes every time he overheard discussions between his bright little brother and his love. It felt amazing. It was worth every penny, every tear drop.

In the middle of May, Benny had earned himself a few days off. Bobby had sat down with him outside of the salvage yard with a beer, telling him that he would have been proud to have called Benny his own son. Benny’s chest felt like exploding but he just laughed, chugging his beer, getting on his feet to throw his arms roughly around Bobby. He whispered a thank you and went upstairs to his room, throwing himself on his bed and cried. He wasn’t sure if he was happy or sad, hearing for the first time that someone was proud of him. Either way, the tears were flowing as he spent his first day off curled up in his sheets.

The day after, Dean was off work as well for the extended weekend. He called Benny early in the morning, asked if they could hang out, and Benny had laughed deep, smile so prominent Dean was sure he could feel it through the phone. Dean promised to bring some lunch and soda, rolling into Bobby’s garage about an hour later in his beautiful ’67 black Impala.

“Knock knock,” he shouted as he made his way up the old stairs to Benny’s room, “room-service!”  
“Ain’t that just wonderful,” Benny chuckled, coming out from the tiny bathroom, drying off his jaw to display his crisp-shaven beard again. 

Dean put down the heavy picnic basket – courtesy of Mary – and slithered into the thick, muscular arms of Benny, kissing the freshly shaven jaw line. Benny smiled and hummed in approval, brushing his thick hands gently up and down Dean’s broad shoulders. 

“Hi cute boy,” he whispered, hugging Dean tight, “ya like?”

Dean nodded against Benny’s thick neck and smiled, kissing Benny’s pulse point and swayed them a little. Benny had filled out completely again, thick, broad and muscular, a new nose ring placed in the opposite nostril. Dean felt like he was experiencing Benny in his prime and his heart throbbed so hard against his chest.

They ate some fresh sandwiches and crawled out on the roof, sunbathing together for a few hours. They fell asleep, waking up every so often to kiss and nuzzle, Benny humming slow melodies between kissing sessions. Life was good for both of the young men.

Evening came around and Bobby called the boys to dinner. They helped set the table and Dean whipped up a quick pie crust, filling it with fresh apples and cinnamon sugar. As he popped it into the old, ragged oven, Benny slid behind him and kissed some of the sun-kissed skin on Dean’s neck, swaying their hips a little. Bobby just smiled from his view in the living room, calling the boys to sit and enjoy dinner.

***

After calling his mom and letting her know he was staying the night, Dean said goodnight to Bobby and headed upstairs to Benny’s apartment. When he got closer, he heard some slow rock music playing. As he went inside, he saw Benny sit in the open window, smoking a cigarette, humming quietly to himself. Dean smiled wide as he closed the door behind him and made his way over to his boyfriend, sitting down in the other end of the open window.

“Hey babe.”   
“Hey darlin’, sorry I’ll finish this up-“

Benny puffed the last few breaths and flicked the bud over the roof, leaning forward to kiss Dean quick when he had breathed out the last smoke slowly. Dean hummed and kissed back, pushing forward, chasing Benny a little. With a hum Benny found himself getting caught, tasting Dean’s sweet lips and smelling the sweet scent of sun and sugar on Dean’s skin. 

“You smell delightful, ye know that?”

Dean smiled against Benny’s lips and shook his head slightly, laughing when Benny made a very clear, loud sniffing sound as he pressed Dean back against the window-frame. 

“Stop it, you’re not some dog,” Dean laughed when Benny continued sniffing down through Dean’s hair and down his neck. Benny chuckled and pressed even further, a large palm snaking its way up Dean’s thigh.  
“I’m a hound for you, pretty boy,” he drawled as he opened his mouth wide, planting a very wet, deep kiss on Dean’s throat and pressed his palm against the warm, growing bulge in Dean’s pants.

Dean panted and threw his head back against the old wood, his own hands trying to hold onto Benny’s shirt and pants, all efforts failing when Benny licked a thick stripe up towards Dean’s ear and sucked on his earlobe. Dean was whining, thrusting very timidly against Benny’s broad hand and blushing all over his face and chest. Benny just hummed and smiled, continuing to rub and kiss the blushed throat under him. 

“Benny,” Dean breathed, pushing a flat hand against Benny’s, pushing him away a little, “I.. I haven’t..”  
“Hm?” 

Benny sat back a little, pulling his hand back, searching Dean’s face for what was wrong. He cocked his head and blinked a few times, Dean curling up on himself and looking timidly out the window. Usually, Dean was just as cocky and sassy as Benny, but right then Benny only saw shyness. After a little while, Dean sighed loudly, throwing a hand over his face and looking through some fingers to make eye-contact with Benny.

“I.. haven’t.. slept with a guy. Before. Yet. Ever.”  
“..Oh.”

Dean sighed again, clearly feeling awkward and maybe even ashamed. Benny just shook his head with a smile and leaned forward again, kissing Dean gently on the hand he still had over his face. Dean blinked behind his fingers and took down his guard a little, biting his lower lip.

“It ain’t a problem, y’know? If ya want me, I would be honored to be your first.. guy. But if you ain’t ready, well. We don’t gotta do nothin’ you don’t want.”  
“I..”

Dean blushed again, pulling his knees all the way up to his chin and hid himself again, blushing bright red once more. Benny smiled, sitting back against the window frame and pulled out another cigarette to light. He was calm, trying not to stress Dean out. Benny had been around the block a few times, with both females and males, although the latter had been about a decade ago, at least past the usual hand job and blowjob. 

“I want you.” 

Dean hid behind his arms again and Benny chuckled, only taking a few drafts of his new cigarette before flicking it out over the roof. He blew out the smoke, got up from the window and walked over to Dean, offering a hand forward.   
Dean looked up, bright red but timidly placed his hand in Benny’s, getting pulled up from his seat. Benny gently pulled Dean closer, running a broad hand through the light brown hair. He tugged it a little, earning himself a low barely-there gasp from Dean. He moved in gently, kissing the edges of Dean’s lips, the other hand brushing under Dean’s worn-out t-shirt. The freckled Adonis whimpered and pressed forward, hungrily, lust shining through his eyes as Benny pulled them over to the bed.

Dean plopped down first, quickly throwing off his t-shirt and was about to open his pants when Benny sat down gently on the edge of the bed, trying to calm Dean a little. Dean got the hint and gulped down hard, sitting back against the wall and tried to pull Benny with him.

“One moment baby.”

Benny got back up, throwing off his tank-top and opened the window near the bed. He went to the drawer near the bed, Dean panting again in expectancy. Benny smirked as he pulled out a few condoms, a bottle of lube and,

“Is that… a joint?”

Dean’s eyes grew wide. He knew it wasn’t even half as bad as the heroin, but Benny was still using something. He felt his heart drop a little, his mood vanishing quick. Benny sensed the quick discomfort and sighed, sitting back down on the edge of the bed, rolling the joint between his fingertips.

“It is, yeah. Promise ya Dean, I ain’t usin’ nothing else. Hell, this is my first joint since I moved out here with Bobby. I swear.”  
“But..”  
“I know. But I promise I ain’t runnin’ back to my old habits. I just enjoy the high a lil’ bit sometimes.”

Dean sighed and sat a bit forward, looking at the joint between Benny’s thick fingertips. 

“I figured, maybe we could share it. Like that first night we uh… yeah. If ya wanna.”  
“Uhm.”  
“It’ll make you relaxed suga’. Want this to be nice. We don’t have to though, I hope you understand that.”

Dean nodded. He thought back to the first night they had kissed, how awesome it felt, how the smoke had curled through him and sent him soaring. He hadn’t smoked at all since, but he couldn’t deny how amazing it had been. If there was anyone he’d ever smoke with again, it would be Benny.   
He crawled a bit forward, kissing behind Benny’s ear, rubbing his nose against the shell of it.

“I want to. Just… don’t tell my parents, okay?” Dean whispered. Benny grinned and nodded gently, turning his head to kiss his cute boy.

A few moments later they were naked, Dean sitting in Benny’s lap. They hadn’t had the time or the chances to have seen each other naked before, and both of them had spent ages exploring every curve, dent, scar, ridge on one another. Benny had lit the joint and was taking a deep hit, closing his eyes in ecstasy, a deep, pleased groan escaping his throat. Dean couldn’t possibly understand how much Benny had missed that feeling.  
Dean licked his lips and sat, ready, mouth a little open, eyes wide and excited. Benny finally opened his eyes after moving the joint away from his lips, the taste and feeling surging through him like lightning. He opened his mouth slightly, leaning in on Dean, bumping their foreheads together, just like the first time they had kissed.

“Suck,” Benny whispered, blowing out the thick smoke into Dean’s mouth. Dean closed his eyes and started sucking, grinding himself forward at the same time, their hard cocks rubbing against each other. Benny groaned but kept blowing until the last breath escaped his lungs, plunging forward to kiss Dean deep, chasing the smoke a little.

Every breath was passed on until the joint was gone, the music still going in the background, the bright evening sky turning dark quick. They felt like they floating, their hands running all over them, wet lips and eager tongues tasting each other, Benny gently laying down Dean on his back. 

“God Dean, you’re so pretty..” Benny breathed, sitting back up on his knees between Dean’s legs. Dean whimpered and squirmed a little, hands searching for Benny, needing warmth and friction.   
The bald brute obliged and leaned down onto Dean, pressing his much thicker, sturdier body against Dean’s lightly-toned chest. They kissed, deep, gentle, Dean moaning when Benny pulled up one of Dean’s legs to hitch it over his shoulder. 

“Suck,” Benny commanded gently, bringing two fingers to Dean’s lips. Dean moaned again as he opened up, letting the fingers in and enthusiastically sucked and licked on the thick digits. Benny gasped and pushed his hips a little forward, feeling Dean’s length twitch between them.   
He removed the fingers not long after, replacing them with his mouth as he led them to Dean’s warm entrance. He circled the tight rim gently, fingertips barely touching, Dean whining for more. Benny knew the spit wasn’t enough, that he would have to lube up quick, but he was every bit as eager as Dean and gently pressed a fingertip in. Dean arched and pressed his head against the pillow, chest flushed and cock leaking on his stomach. 

Benny reached over for the lube and sat up, coating his fingers and quickly returned to his previous position. As he pressed in a finger to the knuckle, slowly, he whispered praises and sweet nothings into Dean’s open mouth, feeling like he was on the edge already himself.

“M-more,” Dean whined, “can take more-“  
“Well you damn better,” Benny grinned quietly, pulling out a little to let his index finger join in, “I sure as hell ain’t a needle-dick.”

Dean laughed then but quickly went quiet as Benny’s fingers started rubbing against his sweet spot, gently pressing in and out of him. After a third digit was helped in, Benny asked his freckled lover if he was ready, and after Dean nodded frantically and bit down on Benny’s neck, the thick brute pulled out his fingers and grabbed a condom.   
He rolled it down slow, taking his time, looking at Dean so beautiful and eager underneath him. When he had it secured, he grabbed the lube, squeezing out a generous amount and coated his thick cock, fucking into his own fist a few times – just for show.

He finally leaned down over Dean, kissing him deep, a pair of slender arms curling around his neck. He lifted Dean’s leg again, pushing the other a little up too, groaning when he felt the extreme heat at the tip of his hard cock.

“Y’ready darlin’?” he drawled, voice low and words woven together with lust.   
“Yes,” Dean breathed, pressing their foreheads together, “want you Benny.”

He pushed in, gently, taking his time with every inch. Dean moaned deep, arched his back again and clawed at Benny’s thick, tattooed shoulders, no hair on the big brute’s head to grab onto. As Benny sunk all the way in, they stopped for a moment, eyes locking. Dean blushed and Benny smiled, kissing the pointy, freckled nosetip.

“You so pretty, cute boy…”

They moved together, grunting, panting, lips getting slick and shiny from chasing kisses. Benny picked up the pace a little, every push in going a little quicker, snapping his hips a little harder. Dean whined and moaned, lewd sounds filling the room, the sound of skin slapping growing louder and quicker. 

“Benny, I-“ 

Although it was quick, and Dean’s aching cock was left untouched, Benny drove Dean over the edge. Dean bit down on his arm to muffle his loud moans as Benny kept fucking into him, doing his best to keep Dean soaring for a while longer as he came as well, groaning loudly, thick arms dropping next to Dean’s face, burying his head next to Dean’s.   
They were both still panting as Benny pulled out gently, rolling over to the edge of the bed, staring into the ceiling. The smell of weed had left the room and was replaced with their scents, alongside the smell of fresh air and summer flowers.

“Bobby’s gonna hate us,” Dean grinned, turning on his side with a whine, curling in against Benny’s thick chest. Benny just smirked, sighing deep. If he didn’t have the condom on, he would have fallen asleep then and there. He sat up and pulled it off, tying it quick and throwing it to his wastebasket before throwing himself back on the old, worn out mattress he called a bed.

“Was it alright?” he asked, words barely escaping his mouth. He was tired, high and pleased.   
“It was perfect,” Dean hummed, pulling a leg over Benny’s, “thank you.”

They fell asleep curled together, Benny’s thick arms protecting Dean. He felt happy here. He didn’t need to chase a high anymore when he had Dean on speed-dial instead of his drug-dealer.

***

The following day, Benny and Dean said their goodbyes and Bobby waved goodbye from the front porch. When Dean and his beautiful car was out of view, Bobby walked over to Benny calmly, pocketing his old, calloused hands.

Benny grinned, knowing that he had probably woken up Bobby or interrupted his favorite sit-com, but hey. Benny got laid. And high. It was worth the consequences, at least this time. 

“Hey son,” Bobby grunted, kicking away a rock before meeting Benny’s ice blue eyes. The light blue sky made them stand out even more, especially against his slow-tanning skin.  
“Hey Bobby. Sorry if we uh,” Benny grinned again, “woke you or whatever.”  
“I don’t care ‘bout that crap, yer kids, you can do whatever the hell you want. But,” Bobby groaned, “I know about your little other thing.”

Benny’s eyes grew wide and his smile dropped. He was sure he had hid the joint well enough, opened the windows so the smell wouldn’t stick.

“How, uh-“  
“Your door to the garage was open. Apparently. Went to get some beer later and, well…”

Benny bit down on his labret. Fuck. If John found out about it, he’d kick the shit out of Benny and probably ban Dean from ever seeing him again. He rubbed the back of his head, sighing deep, moving around in his spot.

“Look, Bobby, it was a one-time thing alright, and-and Dean didn’t smoke any, I just-“  
“Son-“ Bobby interrupted, “I get it, alright? I come from an alcoholic dad, hell I bet you can call me one as well. I get that you miss the feelin’. But you got a good thing going on here, right?”

Benny nodded, listening intently. 

“Don’t screw it up. I get it, I really do, but yer worth more than that damn rolled-up piece of crap. You got a job now, yer own place, a boyfriend – hell. A family. We all care ‘bout you now Benny. You hear?”

Bobby had moved extremely close to Benny, eyes burning with intent, passion and care. After shifting his eyes between each of Bobby’s for a while, Benny just nodded, pressing his lips tight together. He cleared his throat and took a step back, rubbing the back of his neck again awkwardly.

“I ain’t gonna run and tell on you or nothin’. But I’m tellin’ you son,” Bobby sighed, “leave that crap alone. Ain’t nothing but problems at the end of that joint.”

Benny bit down on his labret, nodding as he turned on his heels and walked towards the garage. He stomped up the stairs to his apartment and slammed the door, throwing himself on the bed. 

He didn’t do well with authorities telling him what not to do.

***

Bobby meant well. Benny knew that. But Benny had lived most of his life fighting against authorities, fighting against people telling him what he wasn’t allowed to do, what he should be doing, how he should live his life. None of those people really cared about him anyway, why should they have a say?

He didn’t smoke for another month. He ached for it most nights though, sitting on the warm roof of the garage, staring in over the city in the distance. He missed feeling free of his body, free of his mind. Even though his life was definitely turning for the better, he missed his old life more and more. He didn’t belong in a normal existence, didn’t earn it – his survival wasn’t even based on his own strength, but charity from someone else’s pockets.

He was invited with to a family barbecue at the Winchester house, both acting as Bobby’s “step-son” and Dean’s “boyfriend”. Every family member he was introduced to looked terrified of him, shaking hands very timidly with him before scurrying off to a corner of the garden to stare and whisper. Benny knew he didn’t belong. He didn’t exactly need another family to show him that.  
He grabbed a beer after dinner was over and powered through the house, out to the road out front. Dean had looked worried when he saw the big brute storm through the kitchen, but had to help clear the table and only managed to yell after Benny right as he slammed the door behind him.

“Who’m I kiddin’”, Benny growled to himself as he kicked an empty can on the road, “I fuckin’ don’t belong here. Fuckin’, normal people with jobs ‘n kids ‘n money…”  
He twisted the beer-cap off and gulped it down quick, recklessly throwing the bottle to his side after emptying, the sound of glass shattering echoing down the peaceful sub-urban street. He pocketed his hands and groaned loudly, twiddling his phone in his hand. He needed to smoke, he needed to calm down and get away, so tired of play-pretending to be normal, pretending to belong in this world. If he had to be honest with himself, all he dreamed of was running through the streets jumping cop-cars, getting in fights every night to prove who was the strongest of the pack, scaring off the twitching tweekers by the mall when the 7 Devils went to take over the gym. 

He laughed to himself, thinking of that one time Azazel had convinced the meth-heads to steal all the Twizzlers for them and watch them all get taken away in a huge cop-car right after. Meanwhile the 7 Devils were across the street, eating every single Twizzler, laughing and mocking the poor, weak little meth-heads.  
He looked up the street after having walked for about twenty minutes, thinking to himself how he felt like he couldn’t think straight when he wasn’t high. His mind was racing with insecurities, fears, every surface that reflected his face made him want to punch it. 

His phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it up to see two texts, one from Dean and another from Ash. He hadn’t heard or seen Ash since he split from that party, but they had been fairly good friends ever since Benny joined the pack. He dismissed Dean’s message and went straight for Ash’s, thinking he probably could score some spliffs from him cheap.

_“hey bud hows it hanging word on the street is ur still alive, wanna meet up for a beer n get baked soon? hit me up aight? –a”_  
Benny grinned and called the number, looking back towards the Winchester house. That didn’t feel like home. But the sounds bursting through the tinny phone of laughter, music and shouting did. Ash laughed all the way outside and Benny heard the sound of a lighter flicking before the first words were exchanged between them.

“Hey man!”  
“Hey Ash, how are ya?” 

He walked around the street for half an hour, planning to meet up with Ash the following day by the harbor to buy some spliffs and smoke a few joints together. The rest of the pack knew that Benny was alive too, asking Ash in the background every so often if he was coming back, and Benny’s heart almost ached when he heard Gordon drunk-mumbling something about “missing his boxing-bitch-bestie”. He saw Dean walk down towards him at the same time as he said goodbye to Ash, a strange feeling of guilt and shame washing over him as he pocketed his phone quick.

“Hey, uh, you okay?” Dean timidly asked, curling his arms around himself when he got close.   
“Yeah cute boy, just needed some air. Ain’t used to all that family love-n-hug-n-talk stuff, you know.”  
“Alright. You ready to come in again? I made pies.”

Benny nodded and started walking, Dean bouncing happily next to him and grabbed around Benny’s thick, muscular arm. Benny wasn’t sure what to feel anymore. Dean clearly cared for him, all of him, but he still felt like a part of him was missing, a part was getting changed to something that didn’t feel right because of… Dean.

***

“But, I thought we were going to the movies tonight?” Dean pouted, looking at Benny dusting off the old truck Bobby had given him to repair a few months back.

“Yeah, well, old friend of mine’s in town ‘n it’s the only night he could meet with me.“ Benny lied, throwing a black leather jacket in through the window. 

Dean slumped a little against his Impala and pouted some more, looked down to his feet and sighed. Benny felt bad, but the need to get high was scraping the insides of his skin, more so than he’d like to admit. He sighed and knocked his fist against the car-door a little hard, making Dean jump.

“I’m sorry, okay? I’ll make it up to you, we can go tomorrow maybe?” Benny drawled as he sauntered over to Dean, towering over him ever so slightly because of his thick military boots. Dean frowned and nodded absentmindedly, clearly upset that Benny was ditching their plans. 

“Yeah, whatever.”  
“Hey-“ Benny growled then, pushing a little forward against Dean, pinning him against the car, “-don’t get all whiney on me now. It’s one night. I ain’t seen any of my friends for like a year now. You can’t allow me just one evenin’ where I ain’t latched onto you?”

He came off sounding angrier than he wanted, not intending to growl at Dean – the only person that had been nice to him for years - but the thought of him missing out on the deal and not escaping his own headspace for one night made him agitated. His body ached, his skin screamed for it.   
Dean had curled up a little underneath him, almost a little scared. Benny sighed then, stepping back and shaking his head. 

“Sorry, Dean, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-“  
“Whatever Benny, just go. See you tomorrow or something I guess.”

Dean drove off quick, Bobby shouting after him to stop ruining the gravel road. Benny punched into the side of his truck, hard, twisting his labret manically as he tried to calm his breathing. What he was angry at, he wasn’t even fully sure of, but the weed would make him forget anyway, would help him vanish for a bit.

***

He and Ash sat at the pier staring at the little fishing boats making it back into port for hours, drinking beers and sharing a pair of joints. Benny had practically moaned out loud when he took the first hit, the scratching, painful sensation under his skin get replaced by bliss and softness. Ash had just laughed at him, flipping his magnificent half-mane and lit a cigarette for himself.

“Glad to see ya alive bud,” Ash muttered after a long while of silence.  
“Mhm,” Benny groaned, rolling backwards to lie down on the cold concrete, “wasn’t meant to be, y’know. But that cute kid wasted all his money on gettin’ me back alive.”  
“Dude, that’s crazy. Did he even know who you were?”

Benny shrugged and took another long hit, closing his eyes, doing his best to savor the taste. 

“He your boyfriend or somethin’?”  
“Yeah. Guess you could call him that.”  
“Gordon’s gonna get all jealous,” Ash laughed, “he misses slappin’ your thick ass ‘round.”  
“He can try,” Benny grinned in return, blowing the thick smoke out in thick puffs, “just ‘cause I almost died don’t mean I lost my strength.”

Another hour passed and Benny had received a text from Dean, apologizing for his behavior and that he hoped Benny was having fun with his friend. Benny felt bad too, his happy mellow feeling turning sour when he thought of Dean’s frowning, scared face.   
He started writing a response, biting down on his lip and labret as he thought through every word, wanting to apologize for being a giant dick, even considering telling the truth about who he was meeting up with. When he was half-way through his apology, he felt a presence behind him lingering, pocketing his phone without sending the message to see who it was.

“My, my Benjamin, don’t you look fantastic?”

Alastair had come by, slowly sitting down next to Benny, hanging his long, thin legs over the pier. Benny shuddered a little, always a bit scared of Lucifer’s right hand. He tried to play the part, nodding in greeting and smiling slightly. Ash patted Benny on the back and went to get another six pack from his truck nearby, leaving Benny alone with his former superior.

“Thanks I guess.”  
“Learn to take a compliment, boy,” Alastair grumbled with a smile, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it, “not a lot of people survive looking so good.”  
“Nah, I was real lucky.”  
“That, you were.”

Alastair always had a cold air too him. Even if it was boiling hot during the summer, Alastair could bring the temperature of a room down to a chill, his eyes as frosty as his soul apparently. Benny blinked a few times before looking out over the waterfront again, leaning his arms against his thighs.

“How are your new friends?” Alastair hummed, twirling the lit cigarette between his fingers.  
“Uh, if you mean the kid that saved me, he’s fi-“   
“No no, silly. I mean the other little pack. The ones that gave you all that crap H.”

Benny froze. He knew Lucifer probably thought he had left the pack to join the other. He knew that they probably considered him a traitor at this point, not returning to the pack. 

“Heard so many stories about you Benjamin,” Alastair hummed again, “about how you became their little hell-hound in exchange for some of that shit dope. If it was about the heroin boy, you know our dealers are the best in the state…”  
“Wasn’t ‘bout that Al, I swear,” Benny exclaimed, turning quick to face Alastair, “I-I just had a really bad trip and they, y’know, they kept it comin’, I can’t remember shit from those weeks, I’d never-“  
“Hm.”

All he received was a cold, emotionless stare back from Alastair, quietly puffing on the long cigarette. He didn’t dare break eye-contact with him for the longest while, scared if he turned his back again he’d get stabbed.

Alastair liked knives.

Their staring-contest got broken by Ash returning with more beer. He offered one to Alastair, who politely declined, and opened a bottle for Benny. The tension fell a little, Ash asking about Benny’s job. Alastair listened in, quietly, smoking slowly but hardly moving for the longest while. Benny felt it reminded him of a lizard, or a snake, or an alligator, just waiting on the smallest movement to strike.  
Benny calmed down a little as he told them about Bobby and what a surly, awesome old geezer he was, and how he basically got the truck for free. He told them about the scrapyard job and how he had his own place in the middle of nowhere, free to beat the shit out of cars for fun.  
The sun set and the three men shared another joint, Benny pocketing the spliffs Ash had dug up for him. Alastair had told Benny about how Gordon had been trying out new muscle, none of them able to take half as hard of a beating compared to Benny. He mentioned how Abaddon missed hearing Cajun swearwords ring through the apartment, and that Benny’s bed hadn’t been occupied yet. Ash had nodded at that.

“Listen boy,” Alastair hummed a final time, leaning in on Benny, “we’re having a party later. Come along, huh? For old time’s sake. Just as friends. No obligations to the pack. Promise.”

Benny twirled his labret a little against his teeth, thoughts racing through his head. He knew if he went, he’d get blitzed out of his mind and the alcohol wouldn’t exactly help either. He knew that he’d be useless all day tomorrow, probably having to cancel the date with Dean again.   
He felt Ash’s hand on his shoulder again, too friendly, too familiar.

“Come on you big bear, just once huh? See the gang. It’ll be fun. I’ll get you home by dawn.”

Benny smiled at that, another flood of memories surge through him of crashing other parties all night and breaking in apartments to see the sun come up over the city with everyone. He nodded, getting up on his feet and looked between Ash and Alastair who both were smiling at him. It was too familiar. He felt his internal puzzle falling back together, even though Dean was a giant piece too. 

He’d find a way to make it all work.

He left his truck by the harbor and hopped in Ash’s, sending Dean a quick text after deleting his long apology from earlier.

_“hey cute kid, sry I didnt get back to u earlier, im sorry too. goin to a party w the friend but promise ill take u 2 the movies tomoz. love u”_

Later, his phone rang on the dirty table in Abaddon’s living room at around 2AM.   
It was Dean.   
It was his third call.

No one picked up.


	5. The Needle Broke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> note: broken timeline

The beeping sound felt like stabs to the heart. Everything was bright, but darkness was lurking in every corner, every crack and crevice, every wound and scar. Everything hurt. Voices sounded like screams and no words made sense to him anymore, his skin burning from getting wet and dried off so much. Anyone touching him felt like they were poisoning his skin, seething their lies into him, trying to comfort him when there was no comfort to be found anywhere.

The beeping sound became quicker and quicker, Dean’s heart pounding painfully in his chest in response.   
Everything hurt.

***

Benny laughed harder than he had for months, watching Gordon wrestle Lilith and falling into the old TV in the corner of the room. Ruby sat over him on the couch, her long legs swung over his broad shoulders, Crowley pouring him another drink. It felt like home, it felt comfortable, and his head was buzzing from smoking the spliffs from earlier. 

Across the room, Alastair sat between Lucifer and Azazel, whispering, observing. Azazel looked pissed, frown deep, Lucifer looking much calmer. Alastair twirled a rusty scalpel between his fingers as he leaned in on Lucifer, smirking.   
Lucifer nodded. Azazel left for a while.

Benny felt like he was the center of the whole universe, all his old friends swarming him to talk and get him more to drink and more to smoke. The music was blaring, jokes being fired, bets being made with how many push-ups Benny could do with Ash on top of him. Bonus money went to the winner if Ash could roll a joint successfully while sitting there.

Around 1AM Azazel returned, pulling Abaddon aside for a moment. Benny hardly noticed, taking a deep hit on that joint Ash managed to roll, passing it up to Ruby. The tall red-head came over a minute after, nudging Benny’s knee with her own.

“Hey big boy,” she cooed, “need you for something real quick.”

Benny blinked about a dozen times before nodding quick and jumping on his feet. He towered over Abaddon, but she still made him feel so small as she grabbed his tank-top and started walking out the living room, Azazel, Alastair and Lucifer slithering behind them slowly.

***

Everything felt like it was going in fast forward. 

People were racing around him, sharp bleeps and frantic yells were encasing him, cold, gloved hands were grabbing his boiling skin. He twisted out of their grips, frantically searching for the door, the right door, the right room. He burst down every door, one feeling heavier than the next, and stopping only when a familiar voice broke through. Cas was pulling at him, both in body and in spirit, trying to get him away from the door, away from the table, away from the sight.

Suddenly it felt like time itself had died.

***

“Sit down, darlin’”, Abaddon drawled, trying to channel her own sassy Cajun. Benny smirked, high as hell and drunk out of his mind, Dean but a faint memory in his mind when Abaddon leaned down over him in his chair.

“How may I be of service, yer highness,” Benny growled, eyes dark and hooded, tongue flicking over his teeth as she straddled him.

“You’ve been a very bad boy Lafitte,” she sighed, running her hands through her bright red hair, twisting it up, stretching her arms. Benny kept watching in awe.  
“Leaving us like that. Going to play with those dirty mutts.”  
“I’s sorry my queen,” he breathed as she released her hair again, “I swear I only had loyalty to you, to the 7 Devils.”

He faintly heard a door close behind him, the room going a little darker. Abaddon sighed again, leaning in on him completely, lips running past his very quick.

“Stop lying boy,” Alastair hissed from the darkness, “you know very well there’s no coming back from what you did.”  
“Wha-“ Benny twisted in his chair to look behind him, his arms getting pulled behind the back of the chair and his chest getting tied up quick by Azazel. He felt Abaddon’s knee on his crotch, pressing down harder and harder, screaming in pain as she practically leapt off of him when the rope around his chest got secured. 

“I-h, I didn’t do nothin’-“ he whimpered, twisting, trying to break the rope, “fuck, I wasn’t-“  
“Shut up!” Abaddon shouted into Benny’s face, her eyes burning with anger. Alastair was off to the side, flicking a lighter to heat up a spoon, Azazel bringing a fresh needle. 

Benny was shaking, sobering up quick, trying to yell but Abaddon slapped him silent, walking over to her companions after.   
Lucifer slid out of the shadows then, arms crossed very calmly, one hand under his jaw, observing Benny in the harsh light above them. Benny spat out a globule of blood, looking up at his former leader through the corners of his eyes. 

“Even if you didn’t do anything for them, Benny,” Lucifer sighed, stepping a little closer, calm as ever, “you still abandoned post. You could’ve come back, you know. We were all here, waiting for you. You had a family here. Do you just, abandon your family, Benjamin?”

Lucifer leaned down now, cocking his head, looking sincerely curious. Alastair laughed at that, passing over the spoon to Azazel who began filling the needle. Abaddon grinned too, moving over to bump her hip into Lucifer’s.

“No, they just abandon him. Little, dumb, useless piece of Cajun crap,” Alastair hissed, running his rusty scalpel over Benny’s head, drawing a little blood.   
“The only family you really had,” Lucifer sighed, “and you chose to just… shit all over us. After all the time, all the energy, all the love we spent on you, Benny.”  
“Waste of time,” Azazel growled, joining the party, staring down at Benny, “should have known he was useless.”

Benny held his breath, eyebrows furrowed in anger, lips pressed tight together. He stared directly into Lucifer’s cold eyes, anger surging through every cell and nerve in his body. Lucifer just smiled, creepily and softly, waving his hand to let his minions continue their work.   
Alastair passed Abaddon his scalpel and threw a hand around Benny’s throat, clenching tight. Abaddon moved in and pressed the rusty blade under Benny’s right eye, staring him down as she smirked. Azazel started untying the rope a little, getting Benny’s left arm free.

“Now you just sit as a good little boy and take what we give you, alright?” Abaddon hummed, sliding the blade down Benny’s cheek, “it’s a little goodbye-present. From us to you.”

Meanwhile, Benny’s phone was buzzing on the dirty living room table between broken glass, empty beer bottles and cigarette ashes. No one noticed. 

Dean kept calling.

***

The phone felt so heavy in his hands. He kept staring at that fucking text message, kept trying to unscramble the words. 

He looked up at the clock near the door. In dreams you can’t tell the time.

It was 4:47 AM.

He looked at his right hand, gripping tight around the phone in his left. In dreams you can’t tell how many fingers you have.

Dean had five fingers on his right hand.

“Fuck,” he hissed, looking at the text message from Benny again. He couldn’t read the words now from his sight getting blurred by tears, shaking his head to release some of them. He took a deep breath, clenching his jaw, reading it again;

_“He’s at the harbor. Better get there quick, cute boy.”_

He grit his teeth and re-read it at least a dozen times over. His chest started to fill with anger, and in a split second he got out of his chair and threw the phone so hard against the wall across the room it shattered.   
A security guard came over, shouting loudly but Dean was guarded by Castiel and Sam, explaining the situation to the guard. After a while, the angry guard left and Dean was sure his best friend and his brother tried to say something calming to him.

Nothing could calm him down.

The loud, fast beeping stopped, screeching, screaming louder than anything Dean had ever heard before. He stormed out of his seat and into the room again, blocked by strong arms in blue coats, blocked by wires and machines and sharp objects.  
Dean’s heart stopped for a few minutes, he was sure of it.

Benny was on the table, clothes cut and ripped off, covered only by bloody paper and rags. His eyes were open, staring into nothing, staring into the blinding light above him. Translucent tubes looked like they were invading his throat, trying to fill empty lungs with air. IV’s were still dripping, needles still punched into his quickly graying skin, the blue of his eyes fading into gray. 

He was covered in blood, throat and mouth coated in vomit and froth, his left arm almost purple from what looked like it being broken. His eyes were bruised, swollen, his hands looking like they had punched for hours against concrete, his throat turning purple too, clear hand prints around it.

Benny was found in his truck at the harbor. He was already turning cold, an empty needle deep in his arm, choking on his own vomit. The ambulance came too slow, far too slow in Dean’s opinion, as he pulled the heavy brute out of the van and onto the ground, trying to twist his head to get the vomit out, trying to shake him to make him wake up again.

Dean’s tears kept falling as the loud screech rang through the halls of the hospital.

The tears on Benny’s face dried out as the last dash of bright blue vanished from his eyes.

***

Sundown was always the prettiest from rooftops. At least, that’s what Dean was learning, spending a lot of his evenings on the roof of Bobby’s garage, sitting in Benny’s lap, nestling his head on the broad, muscular shoulder.

“Don’t know how I’m ever gonna repay you suga’,” Benny sighed, lighting a cigarette on the other side of Dean’s face, taking a deep breath, “it’s gonna take years, y’know?”  
“That’s okay,” Dean hummed, slithering his arms around Benny’s chest and pulling him in tight, “I’m cool with years. As long as you feel like hanging out for all those years too.”

Benny laughed and turned his head over Dean’s, looking out towards the city too. They sat in silence for a bit, feeling each other’s warmth, feeling each other’s heartbeat against their chests. Benny kept smoking, trying not to blow out the smoke into Dean’s hair, twisting a little every time.   
Dean sat back and stretched his arms up, feeling tired from working both jobs all day. Benny smiled, flicking the cigarette bud out over the roof, reaching the now free hand up to cart through Dean’s light brown, slightly long hair.

“You’re pretty cute, cute boy.”  
“Stop it,” Dean grinned, grabbing Benny’s hand with his own, nudging his head into the big palm.  
“You is. I still don’t see why you wanted to save me, Dean.” 

Dean closed his eyes and turned to kiss the calloused palm, pressing his nose against it after, looking up at Benny through thick lashes.

“’cause you’re... awesome.”  
“I keep tellin’ you, I ain’t no good.”  
“Let me decide that, huh?”

Dean leaned in and kissed his bald brute gently, getting a deep appreciate hum back in return. They bumped their foreheads together gently, Dean giving eskimo-kisses to his big, burly boyfriend, smiling so hard his dimples were showing.

“Well, I gotta thank ye cute boy,” Benny sighed, pulling Dean down so they were cuddling on the warm roof tiles, staring out over the city skyline.

 

“First time in my life I feel like it’s worth livin’. And I intend on keepin’ it that way for a long time. I’m done chasin’ my high. I got you instead.”

 

 

_FIN_


End file.
